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Looking Up

by Betterment

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1.
Untitled 01:55
When summer's here, I am always so elated. When fall rolls around, I feel like shit. I make jokes about how I want to die and I think I'm making everyone uncomfortable. The truth is that I feel like shit and there's nothing wrong with it. We're all just dying together but we're also living and learning and loving and experiencing all this shit together. The sad truth is that one of us has to go and die first and I want go on.
2.
Home 02:23
I miss when everything was more simple than this. We used to hang out after school and I was a fucking fool for you. With our mixed tapes and our swapped tastes, now we're both singing 'bout how our lives are at home. you own all the same Promise Ring CD's as me and that's how I know that you're the girl for me. Remember when we saw Best Coast last summer and how the lights made it feel like a movie? I'm glad that when I listen to Crazy For You that I think of you.
3.
Glances 02:14
I was never able to take my eyes off of you and now you haunt my dreams with some kind of love or lust that I could never redeem. I had day dreamed of our hands intertwined. I had hoped to love your caress. I had dreamed a dream that became repressed and now the thought makes me depressed. While I was thinking of you I had accidentally cut my wrist with glass. I bled into my shirt for an hour until you finally left and my heart finally stopped. Reality slowly drifted into my dreams and it didn't change how I felt. Instead of holding hands and making out, it turned to cute and awkward glances from across the table. You began to speak more of god and I began to think of you less. I no longer wanted to hold you hand and I stopped asking about your days or where you had grown up. I had longed to forget your face and the fact that I could develop feelings for someone who was everything that I hate.
4.
My Car 02:48
When eyes collide, I'm lost in you're stare. I don't care. Long car rides are nothing when you're not riding shotgun next to me.. When my car's not filled with the sand from our feet, I won't know what to do. When there's no one for me to sing my songs to, I don't know what I'll do.
5.
I've been sleeping more. I've been thinking less. I've been taking my time with trying to avoid this. The progressive life that I've never had is taunting me, leaving me to rot with the dead. Obsessive thoughts with long days ahead. I can't hide forever, no, I can't hid forever. With thoughts like these and an addiction to analyzation, where do I go? What will I do? When does this end? I'll end this now, not tomorrow. I'll save my self from this insane sorrow. I'll drag it out, not sleep for days, pick myself up and do it all again.
6.
Buried 02:23
I cut my wrists open and bleed out on the floor. I don't want to fucking be here anymore. I want to be buried six feet underground where I know I'll be safe and sound. Every day when I walk home, I feel this crippling sadness that makes me want to fall to the ground and die. It's hard being so far away from the only one that makes you want to stay for good. So take me out to sea and bury me. I want to be swallowed by the waves. Or maybe get the hell out of this town because the only place I want to be found is with you. If the waves carry me back in from the sea, you're the only one I want to see.
7.
Feel New 02:20
I wish that every hour was happy hour and I wish I had some beer. I wish I could stop thinking about how you're not here. I wish that I was happy and it always felt new. I wish that I felt comfortable telling you what I'm going through. I don't want to be happy. I don't give a fuck. Every day is gonna fucking suck until I die. My arms are covered in cuts that I didn't make myself. My legs are covered in scars from falling off of bikes. The only thing high school got me was learning how to be a stupid pessimistic fuck who is out of tune with reality. I just want to hang out with my band and hold girls hands. I don't want anything to be okay.
8.
Jenga 02:26
I can't help but think that you're kind of dumb when we're holding hands and you start spouting off some shit about how god created the world. I don't know what you see in me, I'm just a nihilistic punk pursuing and art degree. I'm not singing country songs or smoking out of gravity bongs. I'm not obsessed with cats, I've never taken a swat. I'm scared to show you my songs cause then you'll think I'm a wreck. But if we are being real, we both know that I am.
9.
10.
Your phone call presented the possibility that in a year our love could disappear. A black belt in breaking my own heart is all my mind has earned. Breaking boards and bricks is something that I cannot do but the thought of living without you breaks me in two.

credits

released May 12, 2013

Cameron plays guitar and sings. Kyle plays bass and also sings. Mike plays drums and screams something once.

Thanks to Anna, Richard, TJ, Trenton Vincent, Nancy and Dobie, Jak Kerley, Nobby's, the Launchpad, and Friendship America.

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about

Betterment Sarasota, Florida

betterment was a three piece emo band from 2010-2015. they were from sarasota, florida.

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